oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
