You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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