Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
