you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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