I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
