There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
