girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
