I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
