A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
