Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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