I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
