I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
