Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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