I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
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