i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
