So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
