You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
