feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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