you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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