all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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