Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
