Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
