I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
