So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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