i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
