turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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