I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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