i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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