He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
