He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
