just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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