She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
