I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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