How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
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Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
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I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
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