Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
