MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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