the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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