I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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