i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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