Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Houston, we have a blender
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
