I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
