Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
