garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She said her name was "party"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
