everyone is single if you try hard enough
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
