I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
the liver wants what the liver wants
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
