Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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