I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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