I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
