At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
