Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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