it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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