Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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