do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
