Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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