Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
