My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
