Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
