Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
