I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
