My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
