so that wasnt chicken after all
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
