There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
