I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
