and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
