He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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