I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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