i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
